Several years ago we decided we wanted to make a difference in the life of a child/children and fill our lives with the joys of helping them become happy, healthy, loving, inspired, I could go on and on. After lots of long talks and deep discussions we decided to become foster parents. That is what got it all started. We were approached by someone who knew we were interested in growing our family, they knew of someone who was considering finding a loving home for her unborn child. A meeting was set and we all decided to proceed with an independent adoption. Unfortunately after having the baby home for several days the birth family had a change of heart and decided to raise the baby themselves. It was difficult but, it was the right of the birth family and we respected that. That experience is what led us to the agency I will be referring to in this blog. I would just like to note that we had a good experience with the independent adoption in regards to the agency. This took place in 2010.
After several months of healing, the adoption agency that we worked with called to check and see how we were doing. We decided to go into their office and talk about potentially signing up for their infant adoption program. The cost was $300.00 and included our profile being on their website and "scrapbooks" of pictures and a letter to potential birth parents that we prepared to be distributed to each one of the agency's offices. (3 total-all in Wisconsin). If we were picked by a birth family we would meet with them and decide if we were a good match. We went for it! Well guess what happened?, we were picked after being on the agency profile for just a few months! After meeting with the family, they decided that adoption wasn't the road they wanted to take:( Back on the list.
About a month or so later we got another call from the agency! We were picked again! We felt so lucky! By this time I had done a lot more research on what a birth mother goes through before, during, and after the birth of her child. I wanted to make sure we were as educated as possible on this particular subject to protect us and to help us make the best decision in deciding whether or not to work with a particular birth family. I never thought the agency could be potentially preying on our desire to bring a child into our lives.....
Hearing what you have been through and knowing the details of your story, my heart breaks for you because I can't imagine what it must be like to go through all this misfortune. I'm so glad you have so many supportive friends and family backing you. You also know,being on the other side of the fence, because I am a birth mother that put my child up for adoption in 2000, you have my support 110%!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately the adoption system has failed me as well. They made my adoption seem like it was open until I returned home and realized that I was only able to contact the adoption agency and not the couple that adopted my child. I now struggle to get pictures of my daughter, that I was getting twice a year for the first five years.
My heart goes out to both of you. Best of luck to you!
Shannon
I commend you for caring that much about the birth family. I spoke at a conference yesterday, with the focus being aftercare for the birthmother. Mine was considered a semi open adoption. She agreed to send a letter and pictures once a year til he turned 18. I'm incredibly fortunate that she kept her promise. Had she not, I'm not sure how my story would have played out.
ReplyDeleteAdoption reform is necessary on many level and educating and assisiting birthmothers with the grieving process needs to be at the top of the list. We are not all drug addicted, promiscuous girls/ women. Just someone who ened up in a tough situation. And believe me when I say we do not forget our children. I have and always will think of him everyday. Thankfully after two very rocky years, we finally have a level, respectful relationship.
As I stated in a different reply, adoption is based on loss. Everyone in the triad has experienced loss at some level.
Thank you, Kim