Well, about a week after we brought the baby back, we did receive an email from "Racy" checking in to see how things were going. As you can imagine we were struggling with what had happened and, the fact that she seemed to completely disregard the magnitude of this particular adoption had me apprehensive of even replying to her email. However, I did respond simply saying that we were doing alright. That was the last correspondence we had with "Racy".
Over approximately the next eight weeks I spoke with several of the agency's staff including their administrative assistant, regarding my complaints and concerns. I asked "Stacy" to have the agency's executive director call me but, I was told she was unavailable and I subsequently never heard from her. I continued discussing with "Stacy" why I was upset, going back over the fact that "Racy" did not return calls in a timely manner sometimes not at all. We went over her overall lack of professionalism is facilitating our particular adoption. "Stacy" as in past conversations agreed with me and said I had every right to be upset and that "Racy" did not do her job. (a little side note: I do have all the emails from the agency including one in particular that "Racy" sent about a week after I had left a message for her to call me, stating she was sorry she still hadn't called me back.) I also discussed in great detail with "Stacy" how important it was for us to work with a birth mother who was going to receive post par tum counseling and why. I questioned again WHY were we told point blank that YES "Racy" was going to be giving birth mom post partum counseling when she knew full well that is not something she should guarantee. Of course I was assured that she tried to give birth mom post partum counseling but birth mom declined on several occasions. Well, that's all fine however, we were told she would receive the counseling, and it is also in the contract that we signed that birth mom would receive an estimated five hours of counseling. If we would have been told that the agency would encourage birth mom to take advantage of the counseling but couldn't guarantee that she would receive it we could have went back to birth mom and ask her if she would agree to the post partum counseling. At that point if she declined we could have waited to be chosen by a birth mom who would agree to post partum counseling. Which would have saved ourselves a lot of money but, most importantly saved us, and our wonderful, loving, supportive family and friends the unbelievable heartbreak that this failed adoption caused. I would like to add that when we met "Racy" at the hospital to sign documents before bringing baby home, I asked Racy directly again if she would be giving birth mom post patum counseling? I told her that I could tell birth mom was going to need it. She responded by saying that she had brought literature on support groups birth mom might be interested in. Again I said, "That is good but will YOU be giving her counseling?" She replied that YES SHE would be giving birth mom counseling. So, that was two opportunities for "Racy" to be honest and she chose as far as the post partum counseling goes and she chose not to be. How heartbreaking to think that she thought she could decide what was best for our family, rather that us. Further more how heartbreaking to think that her actions were now being defended by other agency staff. What kind of accountability is that? Setting aside the fact that the contract confirms that the agency will give post partum counseling, I asked directly and, clearly the social worker did not feel that she had to be completely honest with us. Even if she would have told us at the hospital that she couldn't guarantee the counseling we could have opted to have baby placed in bridge care (kind of a private foster care that adoptive families pay for). That way we if the termination of parental rights didn't go through we wouldn't have had that time to bond with baby, taken off six weeks of work, etc. However due to "Racy's" lack of moral responsibility we didn't have that option. Just a reminder that the counseling is prepaid and included in the "Birth Parent Counseling" which in this contract is $3000.00.
After discussing with "Stacy" these issues, it was determined that she did not have the authority to resolve this situation to my satisfaction so she was going to have the agency's administrative assistant call me. One of the ideas I had was for them to change the language of their contract to not be misleading. I also expressed interest that perhaps they could refund me the value of what the post partum counseling would have been ($500.00). As the agency charges counseling at a rate of $100.00 per hr. I also expressed that I would like an apology from the agency for not being honest with us in regards to the counseling and, for the less that professional service we received in general.
Several days later I received a call from the agency's administrative assistant. Needless to say it did not go well. After going over my concerns with her and my ideas for resolving them she of course defended the agency. In regards to receiving any money back, she reminded me that it was non refundable and non transferable therefore no part of the deposit could be refunded to us. As I understand that it does say in the contract that the deposit is non refundable considering the circumstances I would think they could have made an exception. It also says in the contract that the birth mother will receive an estimated five hours of post partum counseling and we were told by your social worker that birth mom would receive that counseling. So, how about trying to be accountable and make it right. Her response was, "We don't give money back". I was speechless! literally! I did not know what to say to her anymore. I couldn't believe how uncompassionate they were being. As I told her how I felt that our good intentions were exploited by the agency, my heart was sank. I realized they really did not care. She said there was nothing they could do and good luck in the future.
There are many more MAJOR things that agency did that I think you are going to find hard to believe. I will be posting about them in the coming days. Also I will be posting the agency contract very soon so you can see exactly what I am talking about. All I can say is unbelievable! One more thing...I am writing this blog so that others who might consider adoption are a little more educated on things they may not think they have to worry about. Thank you for reading this, you never know how much heartache you might save a family by having this information, and sharing it.
I responded to other posts on your blog, and wonder if this is the same agency I went to for information as a birth mother. As previously stated, I was never offered counseling during or after placement. I remember wavering with my decision in the hospital, and was told you'll be ok, you'll have other kids. To make matters worse, my family never knew. Not one person suggested I call my parents to let them know I was pregnant.
ReplyDeleteIt took me over ten years to finally tell them.
Again, I can't say enough about your concern for the birthmothers mental health. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. After reunion with my son almost two years ago, I ended up in therapy for 8 months, needed to work through the grief I didn't really know was there. Things are more stable. I know my son loves me and I him. Good luck in your endeavors.