The Better Business Bureau Complaint...

Here it is....The Better Business Bureau Complaint....Again the agency remains unaccountable for their actions.  Again, I appreciate all of the support!  Thanks for reading this story and sharing it with whom ever will listen...It is my opinion that this agency needs to treat adoption (both pre & post, successful or failed) with much more care, respect, professionalism, and compassion to protect birth families and adoptive families.  There are enough "what ifs" associated with adoption. An agency's integrity or honesty should not have to be one of them.  P.S.  I apologize for the format of this post as I could not seem to get it all in the same font size. However, here it is..


After filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, here are the correspondence's between myself and the agency....

Nature of Complaint:

Contract Issues - A failure to honor a contract or agreement

Problem:

After meeting with birthmother and before signing the contract,we asked the social worker if the birthmother would recieve post partum counseling. We were assured she would recieve that couseling. It says in the contract ...."Birthparent counseling AFTER placement to resolve loss and grief will continue for an estimated 5 hours. If additional counseling over 5 hours to the birthparent(s) is required, the agency will ask the adoptive family to pay for these services" we proceeded with the adoption and paid $3000.00 deposit and signed the contract. Again, at the hospital after the baby was born I asked the same social worker again "Will she be getting the counseling because she seems like she is going to really need it?. The repy was yes. I asked will YOU be giving her that counseling? The reply again was Yes. Needless to say, the birthmother did not recieve that promised counseling. The adoption did fail after having the baby home for almost 6 weeks. Also, about a On December 30 2012 we recived a bill for $583.05 described as "Special services" phone calls, court time, hospital visit charged @ 100.00 hr, travel time charged @ 50.00 hr and milage @ .555 cets per mile. However in the contract it says.."Travel time, milage, hospital visits and court time are additional and will be billed after the termination of parental rights has been has been competed." The parental rights was never completed. I did pay the bill after recieving another statement stating it was "past due" I had also requested our reciepts that we NEVER recieved, and got an email back saying that until we paid that bill they would not send us the receipts. That was 1.25.12 ....we still have not recieved the receipts. Other than that we were provided with generally less than profesional service from this social worker/agency. We were told by another social worker with the they had other complaints on this same social worker we were working with.

Desired Outcome

Desired Settlement:

Apology

Desired Outcome:

Since we would absolutely NOT have proceeded with this adoption, if we would have known that the birthmother would not be receiving post partum counseling. I would like an a written apology for being lied to, and for not honoring the contract. I would also like the value of the five hours of counseling returned (the cost was included in the 3000.00 deposit) I would also like the 583.05 back since according to the contract I should not have been billed for that in the first place. Most importantly, I would like them to make thier contract more clear and transparent

MESSAGE FROM BUSINESS:xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxAfter reviewing Mr.xxxxx statement of the problem, xxxx Adoption xxxxagency. has the following response:
In regard to lack of post-partum counseling received by the birth mother, post-partum counseling was offered on numerous occasions and was declined by the birth mother. One of the major tenets of social work and adoption counseling is not to force any type of service on a client. Services were repeatedly offered and the social worker stated to the birth mother that counseling would be in her best interest, however she continued to decline these services. As with many individuals of this birth mother's generation, she preferred to communicate via text. Attempts to meet with her in person or talk to her via phone were rejected. The only mode of communication that she would respond to was via text, which limited the social worker's ability to provide any sort of counseling to this individual.
Mr. xxxx also takes issue with the bill for "Special Services". Special services are comprised of phone calls, hospital visits, travel time, mileage, etc. While the contract does say special services will be billed after the Termination of Parental Rights is completed, if the adoption placement fails, there is no termination of parental rights. It does not mean that the services were not rendered and are not the responsibility of the potential adoptive family. When an adoption fails, it a devastating experience for all concerned. Adoptive families often feel the need to blame someone for the failure of the adoption. Their anger is often directed at agency personnel. It is also common that fees paid become an issue.
Mr.xxxxx also refers to "receipts" that he never received. The receipts that he is referring to is actually a Fees Paid Statement. The agency does not issue a fees paid statement until fees are paid. Mr. xxxxx paid his bill in full on 2/1/12 and a fees paid statement was mailed out to him on 2/8/12. Fees Paid Statements are generated on a weekly basis.
Mr. xxxxx desired settlement is have money refunded from his initial $3000 deposit. In the Agency Infant Adoption Contract which Mr.xxxx signed on xxxxx, 2011, it clearly states the first deposit of $3000 is non-refundable and non-transferable. In this same contract, under Birth parent Counseling Services, it states the "agency provides counseling services to birth parent(s) AS REQUESTED BY THEM and required by law. This service is free to all birth parents considering adoption and funded by adoptive parent fees. and the cost of $3000 we incur for this is used for the entire program to all birth parents as well as the cost of advertising, answering phone calls, etc. This fee will be paid when we are selected and it IS NON-REFUNDABLE AND NON-TRANSFERABLE." Therefore, due to the language of the contract, no part of the $3000 deposit is refundable. In regard to the $583.05 Mr. Giese paid for Special Services, due to the failure of the adoption, there was no termination of parental rights. Perhaps one could compare this to sending your child to Marquette University and your child does not graduate, you do not get a refund for the tuition.
Again, we are very sorry that this adoption plan failed. We grieve along with our families. We wish Mr.xxxxx and his partner the best in their journey of fostering to adopt.

Better Business Bureau:
I have reviewed the response made by the business in reference to complaint ID xxxxx, and have determined that this does not resolve my complaint. For your reference, details of the offer I reviewed appear below.
I am not angry the adoption failed as I understand that there is always that risk. However, when I directly asked the social worker if the birthmother would recieve post partum counseling, the reply then should have been..."If we can get the birthmother to agree to that part of the counseling process." not "yes". Furthermore, it does say the birthmother will reciece up to five hours of post partum counseling in the cotract. Just as I was directed by the agency and its contract to not discuss the terms of my conract with them, how would I know what kind of contract/terms they have in place with the birthmother?.
As for the "Speacial Services" perhaps the agency should consider having their representing attorney make that portion of their contract a little more transparent and while they are at it, consider wording their "Birthparent Counseling" paragragh a little clearer also. Perhaps then they wouldnt have to argue who's interpretation of thier contract is correct.
As for the comparison of a child going to college, not graduating, and a parent expecting thier money back.....hmmm...Well if the parent had paid for classes but the child was not offered those classes and in return the child couldnt finish her/his program. Then yes I think the right thing for the college to do would have been to give back the money for the classes not provided. Although I dont think that comparrison by the agency is relevant to this complaint and only further showcases their lack of accountibility and unwillingness to offer making changes to thier contract. (as requested in the original complaint)
Please know that we understand a birthmother can change her mind at anytime, and we truly repect that right. I hold birthparents in the highest regard and would never want them to regret their decision. An agencey nor good intetioned adoptive family can control if a change of heart happens. However, if promises have been made verbal or cotractual, they should be honored or at minimal each party could give a little. Not just one party.Regards,


MESSAGE FROM BUSINESS:
Agency social workers, as well as the Assistant Director has had conversations with Mr.xxxx on numerous occasions in regard to his conerns. We will have the contracts reviewed by an adoption attorney who originally authored many of the agency contracts for his review in regards to Mr. xxxxx complaints. There will be no further response from us in regards to these complaints.Better

Business Bureau:
I have reviewed the response made by the business in reference to complaint ID xxxxx, and have determined that this does not resolve my complaint. For your reference, details of the offer I reviewed appear below.
As I appreciate the agency having their contract reviewed by an adoption attorney, I need to know that changes are made. The language in the the contract is extremely misleading and in at least two areas the agency completey did opposite of what the contract states. Without a written apology and proof that the contract has been changed (to protect future clients of Community Adoption Agency) I cannot accept thier response. I would also like to note that the agency in there last response to this complaint, noted they recieved full payment for services from me on 2/1/12 & sent my reciepts/statement of services out on 2/8/12, as of today (2/13/12) I still havent recieved them. That leads me to believe they havent been truthful with that as their agency is in the same town as I reside. They also chose not to accept any responsibility in regards to the lack of professional services I recieved from the social worker on this case, considering I was told (by agency staff) there were other complaints on this particular social worker. I still feel that the agency has not taken any of my complaints seriously and feel they are angered that their contract/protocol/integrity has been challenged. I sincerley hope they make the appropriate changes to their business practices as the adoption process is a delicate, life changing, exciting, and unpredictable journey (for both prospective adotive families and the loving birthparents looking for a forever home for their baby).Regards,

  to this client's continued complaint, the agency would be happy to forward the revised contract when it has been completely reviewed and suggested changes have been sent to us by the agency's attorney. In regards to the fees paid statement which was mailed to the client on 2/8/12, the client states that as of 2/13/12 he had not received such statement. I have verified that the statement was mailed out on 2/8/12, however on today's date, 2/16/12, the agency will send an additional fees paid statement via certified mail. While the agency has experienced complaints in the over 25 years we have been in business, they have been very few and far between. The agency takes all complaints seriously, including Mr.xxxx and works exceptionally hard to meet the needs of both birth parents and adoptive families.





Better Business Bureau:I have reviewed the response made by the business in reference to complaint ID xxxxx, and find that this resolution is satisfactory to me. I am still disappointed that I have not recieved an apology from xxxxxx Adoption Agency in regards to have been told verbally and per the contract I signed misleading/untrue information. I am accepting this response with the hope that in the future they are more honest, and do not offer thier clients misleading contracts or contracts they do not honor (whether or not it's in the agencys favor).

The contract...

Here is the contract.  I have blocked all names and acronyms that were on these documents.  I think you also will find it misleading, contradictory, and, less than transparent.  Please pay special attention to the Birth parent Counseling section of the contract. See if you can figure out how much you would be getting charged from this agency to facilitate an adoption.  How about getting charged for phone calls?  Is it covered in the birth parent counseling deposit as the contract states, or is it in the special services as the contract also states?  After our experience with the agency, it is my opinion that the only thing black and white about this contract is that it is not.   To read  our entire story be sure to check out all of my posts.  Thanks for following, hopefully the infomation in this blog will help someone make informed, better educated decisions when pursuing their own adoption.


 





A surprise in the mail...

     Well I was beginning to think that the negative experience we had with the agency was behind us when I received a surprise in the mail from them.  In an plain, white, legal sized, envelope, addressed to just me on one of those pre-printed address labels, with NO return address was a bill from the agency!  Let me first note that the post mark date on the envelope is Dec. 29, 2011 however both the invoice date and the due date on the bill are Dec. 20, 2011.  Let me also not that it was sent from the same zip code that I live in.  Hmmmm...to my surprise we were being billed separately for talking on the phone to the social worker @ a rate of $100.00 hr, $50.00 hr for travel time, $100.00 per hr for "Racy" to be at court (TPR hearing), and .555 cents per mile travel time. First of all, the way the adoption fees were VERBALLY explained to us we  would  pay a  $3000.00 deposit, and then $14,900.00  (which was to be returned to us if the TPR does not happen) due five days before the TPR hearing.  So as you can imagine I was caught off guard by this bill especially considering the issues we had already had with the agency.  Of course I called the agency office immediately, I was told that these are considered "special services" charges and are additional to the other adoption fees.  What, Really, you have got to be kidding me, was my response.  I said that any reasonable person looking at your explanation of fees would think phone calls between an adoptive family and the social worker to facilitate the adoption would be part of the package.  No I was told, those charges are separate and I was expected to pay the bill promptly.   
     Upon getting off the phone with "Stacy", I investigated the contract further to find a better explanation of these charges.  As I read through the contract I found the sentence that pertained to the charges and come to find out that according to the language of the contract we should NOT be responsible for the charges.  The sentence in the contract reads "Travel time, mileage, hospital visits, and court time are additional and will be billed after the termination of parental has been completed."  I thought to myself since the termination of parental rights were never completed I shouldn't be responsible for the bill.  So, I called the agency back, to discuss with them why I did not feel I was responsible for the bill.  They of course disagreed with me.  I was told that 99.9% of the time the tpr goes through and that I was interpreting the contract wrong.  My response to their "billing person" was, well that is not what the contract says.  Might I add that I think the agency's "billing person" might be mistaken in their percentage of their agency's failed adoption rate. as I know that they were dealing with an unrelated failed adoption (per "Stacy") during our adoption, and this wasn't our first failed adoption with the agency. I was not getting anywhere with the agency staff on this matter.
   After realizing that my relationship with this agency had deteriorated to the point that I knew I would never work with them in the future I decided that I needed to obtain several receipts from them for services that I had paid for and never received proof of payment for.  Such as our home study $2,200.00, profile fee $300.00 and,  birth parent counseling deposit $3000.00.  Keep in mind that I was not requesting copies since we never received a receipt from them to begin with.  I sent an email to "Stacy" requesting these receipts.  I received a reply from her stating that she had forwarded my request to the agency's "billing person" and if I don't receive my receipts in a week to let her know.  I did not receive them in two weeks so I sent an email telling her I hadn't received those receipts yet, and I expected the a.s.a.p.  I never heard back from her after that.  I did however receive an email from the "billing person" stating that she had been given directive to not provide any services to party's with an outstanding balance with the agency.  So as soon as I paid them their approx. $600 she would immediately send me my receipts!  Ummm, I guess I was not aware a business could with hold receipts...especially for service that I had already paid for..many months prior (like 7).  
     A couple weeks went by and I received another plain, white, envelope with no return address on it.  Please keep in mind that EVERY piece of mail we had received from the agency in the previously had a stamp on it with their name and return address.  It was another bill from the agency, with interest and the invoice date on this one wasn't even 30 days from the date on the last bill.  As you can imagine I phoned the agency's "billing person" immediately.  After arguing my case again with this person and realizing I was getting know where I decided to just pay the bill as I did not want this small amount (aprox. $600.00) affecting my credit and did not want to have to deal with in the future.  However I told the "billing Person" I would not pay the 6 dollars in interest, she said she could take that charge off...wow!   I told her I would send the check immediately and she said as soon as she received it she would forward me my receipts.  I sent the check for the full amount on 1.26.12.  I do have the email from the billing person that I am considering posting if I can post it without any body's personal information on it.  Let me add that I did file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau and will post those complaints and subsequent responses in the near future. 
     As the days, and weeks past I had still not received the receipts!  The agency claimed that they sent them out on 2.8.12.  Well that sure isn't immediate like I was told but at least I was getting them.  The February 9th, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15th came still no receipts!  I added that information on one of my responses through the BBB, and in their response they claim that they sent it out however they would send it again priority mail that day (Feb 16th 2012)  that means I should have received it on Feb 17th, well Feb. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, came and went still no receipts!  I finally received them on the 21st of Feb. and it was not sent priority mail.  Just doesn't seem like their clients are very important considering the agency's continued dishonesty.  The receipts came in the same white, legal sized envelope as before however, magically it had their return address stamp on it and my address was hand written this time.  I have added some of these seemingly meaningless details because they just seem a little suspicious. 
     Now that I feel that I have covered the most important issues we had with this agency, I think you will understand better the agency's response to my BBB  complaint, which I feel really shows some of their true colors and sheds light of their lack of compassion.  Also,  now you will know where I am coming from when you look at the contact.  Thank you again for reading and sharing with anyone that you think this information might help.  You never know who might be considering adoption so please share this blog with everyone, facebook, twitter, email, smoke signals, word of mouth, etc.  If I could give a little piece of advise it would be if you or someone you know is considering adoption don't be afraid to ask an agency lots of questions, even if they are uncomfortable, ask to see the agency's contract and have YOUR lawyer look over it before you sign it...it is worth the $100.00 or so.  Ask about All fees that you will be charged ask for a detailed explanation of the charges,what can they guarantee and what can they not.   I wish everyone nothing but wonderful adoption experiences!  Please continue to check back as I have lots of information yet to post that is sure to get your heart rate up!

Complete lack of acountability...

      Well, about a week after we brought the baby back, we did receive an email from "Racy" checking in to see how things were going.  As you can imagine we were struggling with what had happened and, the fact that she seemed to completely disregard the magnitude of this particular adoption had me apprehensive of even replying to her email.  However, I did respond simply saying that we were doing alright.  That was the last correspondence we had with "Racy".
     Over approximately the next eight weeks I spoke with several of the agency's staff including their administrative assistant, regarding my complaints and concerns.  I asked "Stacy" to have the agency's executive director call me but, I was told she was unavailable and I subsequently never heard from her.  I continued discussing with "Stacy" why I was upset, going back over the fact that "Racy" did not return calls in a timely manner sometimes not at all.  We went over her overall lack of professionalism is facilitating our particular adoption.  "Stacy" as in past conversations agreed with me and said I had every right to be upset and that "Racy" did not do her job.  (a little side note: I do have all the emails from the agency including one in particular that "Racy" sent about a week after I had left a message for her to call me, stating she was sorry she still hadn't called me back.)  I also discussed in great detail with "Stacy" how important it was for us to work with a birth mother who was going to receive post par tum counseling and why.  I questioned again WHY were we told point blank that YES "Racy" was going to be giving birth mom post partum counseling when she knew full well that is not something she should guarantee.  Of course I was assured that she tried to give birth mom post partum counseling but birth mom declined on several occasions.  Well, that's all fine however, we were told she would receive the counseling, and it is also in the contract that we signed that birth mom would receive an estimated five hours of counseling.  If we would have been told that the agency would encourage birth mom to take advantage of the counseling but couldn't guarantee that she would receive it we could have went back to birth mom and ask her if she would agree to the post partum counseling.  At that point if she declined we could have waited to be chosen by a birth mom who would agree to post partum counseling.  Which would have saved ourselves a lot of money but, most importantly saved us, and our wonderful, loving, supportive family and friends the unbelievable heartbreak that this failed adoption caused.  I would like to add that when we met "Racy" at the hospital to sign documents before bringing baby home, I asked Racy directly again if she would be giving birth mom post patum counseling?  I told her that I could tell birth mom was going to need it. She responded by saying that she had brought literature on support groups birth mom might be interested in.  Again I said, "That is good but will YOU be giving her counseling?"  She replied that YES SHE would be giving birth mom counseling. So, that was two opportunities for "Racy" to be honest and she chose as far as the post partum counseling goes and she chose not to be.  How heartbreaking to think that she thought she could decide what was best for our family, rather that us. Further more how heartbreaking to think that her actions were now being defended by other agency staff.  What kind of accountability is that?  Setting aside the fact that the contract confirms that the agency will give post partum counseling, I asked directly and, clearly the social worker did not feel that she had to be completely honest with us. Even if she would have told us at the hospital that she couldn't guarantee the counseling we could have opted to have baby placed in bridge care (kind of a private foster care that adoptive families pay for).  That way we if the termination of parental rights didn't go through we wouldn't have had that time to bond with baby, taken off six weeks of work, etc.  However due to "Racy's" lack of moral responsibility we didn't have that option.  Just a reminder that the counseling is prepaid and included in the "Birth Parent Counseling" which in this contract is $3000.00.
     After discussing with "Stacy" these issues, it was determined that she did not have the authority to resolve this situation to my satisfaction so she was going to have the agency's administrative assistant call me.  One of the ideas I had was for them to change the language of their contract to not be misleading. I also expressed interest that perhaps they could refund me the value of what the post partum counseling would have been ($500.00).  As the agency charges counseling at a rate of $100.00 per hr. I also expressed that I would like an apology from the agency for not being honest with us in regards to the counseling and, for the less that professional service we received in general.
     Several days later I received a call from the agency's administrative assistant.  Needless to say it did not go well.  After going over my concerns with her and my ideas for resolving them she of course defended the agency.  In regards to receiving any money back, she reminded me that it was non refundable and non transferable therefore no part of the deposit could be refunded to us.  As I understand that it does say in the contract that the deposit is non refundable considering the circumstances I would think they could have made an exception.  It also says in the contract that the birth mother will receive an estimated five hours of  post partum counseling and we were told by your social worker that birth mom would receive that counseling.  So, how about trying to be accountable and make it right.  Her response was, "We don't give money back".  I was speechless!  literally!  I did not know what to say to her anymore.  I couldn't believe how uncompassionate they were being.  As I told her how I felt that our good intentions were exploited by the agency,  my heart was sank.  I realized they really did not care.  She said there was nothing they could do and good luck in the future.
     There are many more MAJOR things that agency did that I think you are going to find hard to believe. I will be posting about them in the coming days.  Also I will be posting the agency contract very soon so you can see exactly what I am talking about.  All I can say is unbelievable!  One more thing...I am writing this blog so that others who might consider adoption are a little more educated on things they may not think they have to worry about.  Thank you for reading this, you never know how much heartache you might save a family by having this information, and sharing it.
     
      
    
 

Nearing the end...

     Well, several weeks had past since we brought baby home, the time was magical and seemed to pass by so quickly.  The contact with birth mom continued with lots of texts, and many phone calls.  Everything seemed to be fine as far as that went.  There was nothing that made me feel that birth mom was thinking about changing her mind.  During our conservations birth mom had expressed that she would like to come and visit once more before the termination hearing.  So, we set up a day for her to come back to our house for a visit.  We thought it would be a good opportunity to ask her if there was anything further she wanted to talk about, anything she wanted us to clarify, or generally any worries we might be able to set to rest for her. 
     The day came for another visit from birth mom and some of her family.  It again was a very pleasant visit, I had framed a few pictures of the baby so I gave those to her.  We gave her the opportunity to ask us any questions or discuss any concerns she might have.   At one point she did ask how our family would welcome her,  we assured her that our family and friends would welcome her into the family with open arms.  I mean she was giving us to most beautiful precious gift anyone could give.  So it all seemed good, she hadn't anything more she was concerned about.  After enjoying another wonderful dinner with her it was time for her to leave.  It was not at all awkward it just seemed as if we were continuing to build our relationship with her, I mean she was going to be a big part of our life.
     The termination of parental rights hearing was fast approaching.  Contact continued with birth mom sending her pictures, and texts with the occasional phone call.  One conversation that sticks out is one in which birth mom and I discussed in great detail, the future.  How she would play a role in baby's life, being there for the first day of school, us being there for big events in her life, talks the we would have with baby in the future, etc.  She seemed to be at peace with her decision.
     The day was here!  It was the court hearing for birth mom to terminate her parental rights.  Such a big day for everyone with every emotion possible.  You can imagine my surprise when I received a text from birth mom saying she needed more time to decide if this is what she wanted to do.  I got that message from her about an hour before the hearing was scheduled.  I didn't know what to think.  I immediately called "Racy" to let her know what was going on.  She was at the court house at that time also.  She said she would talk to birth mom and call me back.  About 15 minutes later she did call back, stating she had talked to birth mom and birth mom really wanted more time to decide, so they were going to ask the judge to grant that.  The judge granted  birth mom with more time and resceduled the hearing for 6 weeks later.  After the hearing I recieved a phone call from "Racy", the lawyer, and the gaurdian ad litem.  They said they were all surprised at what happened, they explained to me what happened in court (which from my understanding wasn't pleasant ecspecially for birth mom). 
     "Racy", called a few day later saying that she talked with others at the agency and birth mom and they thought it might help birth mom with her decision if she took the baby for the weekend.  We really were not sure what to think but, agreed to meet birth mom and "Racy" at a location so birth mom could take baby for the weekend.  Needless to say that was the longest, least fun weekend we have ever had!  We missed baby so much!  Finally it was time to go pick baby up.  Everything went well, however, at that moment I could tell, birth mom really wanted her baby....I felt bad for her.  So, it was not a surprise when a few days later birth mom sent me a message saying she was really sorry but, she wanted baby back.  We were devistated.  There are liteally no words to describe what we were feeling.  I called "Racy" to tell her and to let her know that we would want to get it over asap.  I then called birth mom, it was a difficult call.  She was very apologetic.  We agreed on a time to bring baby back to her, I let "Racy" know the date and time. 
    The day had come it was time to bring baby back to birth mom.  My partner had a difficult time with this and decided to not come with to bring baby back.  It was just to hard.  A family member of mine came with me for support.  Upon arrival, I took some time to say good bye to my little angel.  one last diaper change, a few more little words of wisdom from daddy. not that baby knew what I was talking about.  I was just hoping somewhere in her soul she would know how much she was and always will be loved by us and our family and friends.  Into the agency we headed.  "Racy" was in the office sitting "crosslegged" on an office desk....real professional...but not out of character for her.  I paced back and forth, anticipating birth mom's arrival.  She arrived and her and I talked a bit, I told her baby's schedule and that was about it.  We signed some papers and I walked birth mom and baby to their car and said goodbye.  Never saw ""Racy" again after stepping out of the office.
      It is hard to explain but, I have a lot of respect for birth mom, with that single descion, she had to make some incredible sacrifices...immediately.  We never would want a birth mom to regret her descion.  I would also like you all to know that this particular lady is a wonderful, loving individual whom from the very begining of this journey only wanted the best for her baby.  None of the problems we had with this failed adoption were with her but with the agency.
    Now come the unbelivable actions of an agency I had really thought would have had their clients best intrests in mind.....boy was I wrong!

Continued contact....

       So after alot of communication between birth mom and us a visit was scheduled for birth mom to come to our home and visit baby.  At first we were not sure what to think, would she see baby and want to have her back?...would she see how much we loved the baby and how well we were taking care of her and realize that she had made the right desicion by choosing us for her baby's forever home?...We really had know idea what to think.  "Racy" told us to go ahead with the visit, that it would probably put birth mom's mind at rest.  She added that she had not experienced this with any other adoption that she had worked on.  Now I cant remember for sure however, I did ask her how long she had been with the agency and I am 98% sure she said a little over a year.  Which did not really put me at ease.

     It was a wonderful visit, we gave birth mom and some of her family that came along for the visit a tour of our home, and the baby's nursery.  Birth mom told us the nursery looked like something out of a magazine!  That made us feel really good...I guess the fact that we had got some "approval" from her.  We made lunch for everyone and shared some storeies, and a few little laughs.  Birth mom did hold baby for a while.  After several hours it was time to say good bye.  We exchanged hugs and well wishes and said good bye.  Everything seemed to have went really good, considering we had know idea what to expect.  We really felt our relationship with birth mom had deepend with that visit.  Just a little side note, the visit was during the weekend.

    The following Wednesday I recieved a phone call from the social worker we had worked with on our FIRST adoption (I will refer to her as Stacy).  I was puzzled, although a wonderful social worker, she had nothing to do with this adoption actually, she was from a one of the agency's other offices.  "Stacy" asked how the visit with birth mom went.  I replied, really nice and proceeded to fill her in on topics we discussed, and just how everything went.  Then she continued by telling me that she had gotten an EMAIL from "Racy" stating that birth mom was "wavering", and having a hard time with things.....first of all an EMAIL!..really.  I asked "Stacy" why hadn't "Racy" called me?  Why was she having a worker who had nothing to do with the case call me to tell me this information?  It seemed like a phone call from "Racy" was warranted, considering the alleged changes in birth mom's feelings.  She also agreed with me that "Racy" should be the one calling as "Stacy" really did not know any thing about the case.   Another thing to point out is that "Stacy" told me that it is the social workers job to do whatever it takes to meet with a birth mom and counsel them.    She continued to explain to me how she had to recently go above and beyond with one on the birth moms she was working with and that "Racy" wasn't doing her job.  "Stacy" directed me to act as nothing was wrong and continue contact with birth mom as we had been.  She told me that if she heard anything further she would let me know.  I really did not know what to think., of coures we did what we were told I mean they are the experts right?..I told "Stacy" that I expected a phone call from "Racy", she assured me she would let her know.

   Guess who we did not here from?  Yep, "Racy"....after a week had passed and I hadn't heard anything from her-- I phoned her.  Surprisingly she did not answer.  I tried several times and then left a message for her to call me.  Finally, I recieved a call back from her and of course I missed the it but, she did leave a message.  It said, in a very soft, whiny, tone..".Birth mom hasnt changed she is still having a hard time with it.  You can call me back if you want." Well, since I called you yes, I probably want to talk to you.  So, I called her back, and couldnt reach her again after several attempts.  Now, we were not only worried but starting to get upset with "Racy". It was such an emotional rollercoaster.  I wanted and needed to know what was going on!  Had birth mom called? text? Words cannot describe the feelings we were having it was so stressful to not have the social worker to rely on, we did not know what to do.  We did the only thing we could, roll with it until we heard differently.  We still had this wonderful baby to take care of and enjoy, so thats what we did.  Of course the drama with the social worker and agency was not over....

I know that using the names "Stacy" and "Racy" seems odd and they don't excatly roll off the tounge with ease, to keep as true to the story as possible I must have them sound very similar.

  

More.....

After about a month the day had finally arrived, baby was coming!  We headed to the hospital early in the morning, anticipating being parents!  It was so exciting, words cannot explain the feelings we were having, true happiness!  Baby was born late that evening.  We spent four days at the hospital with baby, birth mom, and some of her family & friends.  A beautiful relationship developed in that time between birth mom, her family and us. Just a note...I let "Racy" know the date, time of birth, and full name a baby, after baby was born....this info needed to be forwarded to the lawyer so legal actions could begin.

There was some paper work that needed to be signed by birth mom and us in order to bring baby home.  I had touched base via a phone call the day before to set up a time with "Racy" to meet us at the hospital so she could bring that paperwork for us to sign. She showed up slightly late, and in less than professionally acceptable attire, as seemed her "norm".  As we waited with her in the waiting area of the hospital (birth mom had visitors leaving)  she had us sign the required paper work.  I noticed her shuffling around some papers that she said was literature for birth mom.  At that time I expressed to "Racy" my concerns of the emotional state of birth mom.  I asked her again...will you be giving birth mom counseling? Because, I can tell she is going to need it.  "Racy's"  immediate response was  "Yes", I have literature for her on several support groups that she might be interested in.  My reply was..that's good but are YOU going to be giving her counseling?  Her reply again was "oh,yes".  At that, we headed into birth mom's room "Racy" explained to birth mom what she was about to sign, and birth mom signed the required documents.  "Racy" admired baby and then departed the hospital.

The next day was the big day.  We were bring our little angel home!  Birth mom left the hospital shortly before us.  We spent some time in the nursery with hospital staff excitedly going through baby 101.  Then into the car on the way home!  We had exchanged a few messages with birth mom that eve, she expressed her happiness for us but let us know it was difficult for her.-understandably.  We continued contact with birth mom, even sending many pictures of baby.  I called "Racy" just to let her know about the level of contact we were having with birth mom, she said it was normal and encouraged us to continue it.(which we did not have a problem with as we had every intention of a continued relationship with birth mom for the rest of our lives).  This is something we had discussed and decided would be best for baby, it is refered to as an "open adoption".

The Saga Begins...

The Social worker (who I will refer to as "Racy") who had been meeting with the birth family that wanted to meet us called and we set up a meeting with the birth family.  A few days later we found ourselves at the agency's office with the birth family!  The meeting lasted about an hour and went very well.  After the birth family left we took the opportunity to ask the social worker a few more questions.  My biggest area of interest was how much counseling the birth mother had and, how prepared she was to give her baby up for adoption...I wanted it to be the right decision for everyone involved.  I asked "Racy", has birth mom received a lot of counseling?..her reply was, Tons!  Then I asked her the most important question..Will she be getting post partum counseling?  The answer  was Yes!...We had a few more exchanges, and then headed home waiting to here if the birth mother was still interested in placing her baby with us.  About an hour later we got the call,..birth mom wanted to go ahead and place her baby with us! 

Now we had lots of preparing to do as we only had about a month before babies arrival!  It was so exciting!  All of our family and friends were so involved and excited for us, it was a true blessing.

We had 5 days to sign the contract and send a non refundable deposit of $3000.00 to the agency.  Just a note that the 3000.00 is for birth parent counseling, advertising, office equipment, staff, answering phone calls, local travel, and follow-up work (that's what the contract states).  I want to note that in the contract it also states... "Birth parent counseling AFTER placement to resolve loss and grief will continue for an estimated 5 hours.  If additional counseling over 5 hours to the birth parent(s) is required, the agency will ask the adoptive family to pay for these services.  The same rates apply as prior to placement."  So as you can see one would assume that the birth mother was going to be receiving counseling after the baby was born. This was one of the most important requirements to us.  Keep in mind that I do understand know that no matter how much counseling a birth parent receives, that does not mean they wont change their minds or have second thoughts.  However at least then you know they have had professional counseling services that may help them sort through feelings they maybe having.

From the top...

Several years ago we decided we wanted to make a difference in the life of a child/children and fill our lives with the joys of helping them become happy, healthy, loving, inspired, I could go on and on.  After lots of long talks and deep discussions we decided to become foster parents.  That is what got it all started.  We were approached by someone who knew we were interested in growing our family, they knew of someone who was considering finding a loving home for her unborn child.  A meeting was set and we all decided to proceed with an independent adoption.  Unfortunately after having the baby home for several days the birth family had a change of heart and decided to raise the baby themselves.  It was difficult but, it was the right of the birth family and we respected that.  That experience is what led us to the agency I will be referring to in this blog.  I would just like to note that we had a good experience with the independent adoption in regards to the agency.  This took place in 2010.

After several months of healing, the adoption agency that we worked with called to check and see how we were doing.  We decided to go into their office and talk about potentially signing up for their infant adoption program.  The cost was $300.00 and included our profile being on their website and "scrapbooks" of pictures and a letter to potential birth parents that we prepared to be distributed to each one of the agency's offices. (3 total-all in Wisconsin).  If we were picked by a birth family we would meet with them and decide if we were a good match.  We went for it!  Well guess what happened?,  we were picked after being on the agency profile for just a few months!  After meeting with the family, they decided that adoption wasn't the road they wanted to take:(  Back on the list.

About a month or so later we got another call from the agency!  We were picked again!  We felt so lucky!  By this time I had done a lot more research on what a birth mother goes through before, during, and after the birth of her child.  I wanted to make sure we were as educated as possible on this particular subject to protect us and to help us make the best decision in deciding whether or not to work with a particular birth family.  I never thought the agency could be potentially preying on our desire to bring a child into our lives.....

Just The Begining.

Welcome! Thanks for checking out my blog.  I have created this blog to expose the business practices of an adoption agency in my community and their sister agency.  The goal is to share my story with as many people as possible especially those out there who are considering adoption (both those seeking a loving home for their child and those looking to grow their family through adoption).  As you will soon see, all agencies are not looking out for the best intrests of their clients.  I will post personal feelings, opinions, and facts related to my experience.  I look forward to sharing with you all and, look forward to your continued support-could not do it with out you! I promise the contents of this blog will SURPRISE and make you wonder how some of the practices by these agencies are legal.